On the Radio, Regina Spektor

THIS IS HOW IT WORKS:
You're young until you're not
you love until you don't,
you try until you can't.
You laugh until you cry,
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe
until their dying breath.


No, this is how it works:
you peer inside yourself
you take the things you like
and try to love the things you took
and then you take that love you made
and stick it into some -
someone else's heart,
pumping someone else's blood.

And walking arm in arm,
you hope it don't get harmed,
but even if it does you'll just do it all again.

TAXI WISHES.

Last night I got into a taxi with an Ethiopian cab driver. His name was Desta – happiness.  Desta was forced to flee Ethiopia in 1983 nearly 10 years after his idle Haile Selassie's reign came to an end, when a Soviet-backed-Marxist-Communist military junta, the "Derg" led by Megistu Haile Mariam, disposed him, and established a one-party communist state called the People's Democratic Republic of Ethiopia. He fled to Sudan for 2 years, where he worked for a human rights organization, that later sponsored his citizenship in the U.S.

30 years later, he was steering the wheel of the cab I entered randomly, to get me to a hotel in Los Angeles, California. His greatest wish for the new year: a chance to live in Ethiopia with the rest of his family again.

The People’s Democratic Republic of Ethiopia party failed. Desta’s gone back there four times since he originally left, but the insecurity of jobs there scares him, so he continues here, driving each day to pay the bills. 

Last week in New York I met Carlos, who was a full-time student at Queens College in New York, but drove a taxi to support his mom’s diabetes medicine. He was in a computer-engineering program, and his IQ clearly surpassed my own… I can’t even do basic addition without using my fingers.  He’s thinkin’ about getting engaged to his girlfriend soon, but wanted to have a stable job so he could provide anything she dreamed of.

A year and a half ago in Washington, D.C. I met a taxi drivin' musician named Willie who taught me more about Jazz than I had ever learned in my life. He played me John Coltrane and told me that anyone who tried to play his songs was bound to be disappointed, because his talent couldn’t be replicated, especially since he never followed the music anyway. And then he went off about Louis Armstrong, Freddie Hubbard, Duke Ellington, Benny Goodman, and Herbie Hancock. And told me that he once played with saxophonist Grover Washington, Jr. He said all he wanted to do was play jazz, all day and all night.  

I’ve met many taxi drivers, who in my opinion, constitute the most brave and/or talented human beings I’ve encountered in my life. I wish there was a way to grant Taxi Driver Wishes, so that after a certain amount of driving or kindness all taxi drivers could get whatever they want.Then Desta could go back to Ethiopia, and Carlos could find a job that would allow him to give the woman he loves anything in the world, and Willie could play jazz all day. They deserve it.  

THIS IS HOME.

HOME IS WHEREVER I'M WITH YOU.

EMOTIONAL METAPHORS.

What if emotions appeared like metaphors?

I could be with my best friends in the universe and sunflowers could pop-up around me, because I would be thinking “being with you is like sitting in a bed of sunflowers all day”.

Or  I could sit with my dad in the kitchen and all of a sudden he would be in a super hero costume, because sometimes I think of my dad as a super hero, because he's really smart, and courageous, and selfless.

Or hearts would have popped out of my throat when I broke the heart of someone I really loved, but knew that a future wasn't possible with, because the entire time it felt like my heart was flying through my throat.

Or every time I stare at the stars I could shrink to the size of an ant realizing just how tiny and insignificant I am in comparison to the big-wide-universe.

Or  I could feel the clouds on my feet every time I accomplish something huge, because it always feels like walking on air.

Or the next time I'm walking happily down the street with someone I really like, I might think to myself,  "Wow I feel like we’re dancing in an empty hall with this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Yh_tfyU8A playing in the background and then it would magically start playing and we'd be in the center of a dance floor dancing alone. 


It would be  really great if emotions showed up with their metaphors, because then we could show people how we really feel instead of just depending on words to express ourselves. Some people aren't really that great with words but they do feel a lot - those people should have the same ability to express themselves as anyone

But I guess it’s a good thing that emotions don’t appear as metaphors, because then people wouldn’t have to use their imaginations as much and metaphors would disappear, because nothing would be like anything, everything just would be.


(ohoto: http://www.realbollywood.com/news/2010/10/dance-india-dance-returns-time-couples.html)

Alices Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Caroll

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? 

POSITIVE PROFANITIES.

Sometimes when I’m walking down the streets and I hear people yelling profanities at each other, I get really sad. I wonder who decided that “F*** YOU!”, or “THAT DOESN’T MEAN SH**”, or “SHE’S SUCH A B****” were going to take shape in negative and insulting ways.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if there were positive profanities? That way instead of all those mean, loud, explosive, statements, people could express beautiful thoughts in the form of nice, loud, explosive statements.

Then if I thought someone was being ridiculously nice, I could be like “YOU KNOW WHAT, FLIZ YOU!” And in rap songs when a guy wanted to get romantic with a girl, he could be like, “DANG, YOU’RE SO CUTE, I JUST WANT TO FLIZ YOU.” Or if someone let you take their seat in the bus you could be like, “WOW, YONK YOU”. 

And, if positive profanities existed, I think that a lot more people would be smiling, because they could sound really hilarious.

(picture from: http://john.sixlives.sg/)

EVERYONE IS A CREATOR.

NO STRANGER THAN STRANGERS.

These two humans never met before that day. 
It didn't matter.

ON AND OFF SWITCH.

It would be really great if there was an on-and-off switch to a city that I could access right in front of me, just like the on-and-off switch to the lights in my room or like the knob of the reading light on my bed post. New York is known as the city that never sleeps, but if we’re gonna compare it to a human anyway, it’s important to note that human beings can’t live or function without sleep. In fact, anyone who doesn’t sleep is at risk of dying of exhaustion.  Maybe that’s why there’s not a lot of nature around here --- maybe parts of the city just died of exhaustion. If there was an off switch I think just in the 5 minutes of being off, the world would save something like 100 billion katrillion killowatts of energy which could then be used to power other stuff – like hospital rooms in Mali. Also, if there was an off switch then maybe the stars would shine again and people could make wishes on shooting ones. 

Things I Didn’t Know I Love by Nazim Hikmet

It's 1962, March 28 ^th, I'm sitting by the window on the Prague-Berlin train.

Night is falling. I never knew I liked the night.

Descending like a tired bird on a smoky wet plain.

I don't like comparing nightfall to a tired bird.

I didn't know I loved the earth.

Can someone who hasn't worked the earth love it?

I've never worked the earth - it must be my only Platonic love.

And here I've loved rivers all this time…

I know you can't wash in the same river even once

I know the river will bring new lights you'll never see….

I know all this has been said a thousand times before and will be said after me.

I didn't know I loved the sky.

Cloudy or clear.

The blue vault Andrei studied on his back at Borodino -

in prison I translated both volumes of War and Peace into Turkish…

I didn't know I loved trees.

Bare beaches near Moscow in Peredelkino they come upon me in winter noble and modest.

Beaches are Russian the way poplars are Turkish,

"the poplars of Izmir losing their leaves. . .

lover like a young tree. . .

I blow stately mansions sky-high."

I never knew I loved roads - even the asphalt kind.

Ramazan night in Istanbul holding his grandfather's hand.
His grandfather has on a fez and is wearing the fur coat with a sable collar over his robe, and there's a lantern in the servant's hand, and I can't contain myself for joy.

Flowers come to mind for some reason poppies, cactuses, jonquils…

in the jonquil garden in Kadikoy Istanbul I kissed Marika, fresh almonds on her breath.

I was seventeen.

My heart on a swing touched the sky.

I didn't know I loved flowers,

Friends sent me three red carnations in prison

I just remembered the stars - I love them too,

whether I'm floored watching them from below

or whether I'm flying at their side

I have some questions for the cosmonauts:

Were the stars much bigger? Did they look like huge jewels on black velvet

or apricots on orange? Did you feel proud to get closer to the stars?

I saw color photos of the cosmos in Ogonek magazine…

Now don't be upset comrades but nonfigurative shall we say or abstract,

well some of them looked just like such paintings

which is to say they were terribly figurative and concrete.

My heart was in my mouth looking at them –

they are our endless desire to grasp things.

Snow flashes in front of my eyes,

both heavy wet steady snow and the dry whirling kind.

I didn't know I liked snow

I never knew I loved the sun - even when setting cherry-red as now in Istanbul too,

it sometimes sets in postcard colors, but you aren't about to paint it that way,

I didn't know I loved clouds -whether I'm under or up above them, whether they look like giants or shaggy white beasts… I like it.

I didn't know I liked rain - whether it falls like a fine net or splatters against the glass my,

heart leaves me tangled up in a net or trapped inside a drop,

and takes off for uncharted countries I didn't know I loved.

Rain.

But why did I suddenly discover all these passions sitting

by the window on the Prague-Berlin train? Is it because I'm half dead from thinking about someone back in Moscow her hair straw-blond eyelashes blue?

The train plunges on through the pitch-black night.

I never knew I liked the night pitch-black.

I DIDN’T KNOW I LOVED SO MANY THINGS!

And I had to wait until sixty to find it out sitting by the window on the Prague-Berlin train watching the world disappear as if on a journey of no return.

LOVE O'CLOCK.

I wish that time was determined  by people that we love, so that the more we loved someone the longer every minute would be with them. That way if we were with our moms, time would pass really slowly. But if we were with someone really mean who we didn't like - like the boss who yells all the time for no reason or demands a re-do of tasks 10 times, time would go really quickly. 

And then, we could really spend a long time with the people we're inlove with and even if time had to end with them it would seem like an eternity was spent with them. And if we got sick of that person, time would speed up so that all the heart break and fighting that sometimes comes with a break up would move really quickly.

It would also mean spending a lot more time with a childhood pet. I know that I would have enjoyed a few extra moments with Sparky.

LIFE, ON THE SUBWAY.

This morning I found myself in the arms of a West African man who was listening 2face idibia (a favorite West African artist of mine) on the New York subway. I was taking the 4 express train to work and found myself literally pushed into the train cart with one small pole space to hang onto in front of me… and in front of this man.

In public space in New York, I always dream up hugging strangers randomly as I’m walking down the street. You know those people who exist side-by-side with you and you get a warm, unexplainable, vibe that you can’t explain? I always want to hug them. And, sometimes people who look sad too. But sometimes that seems scarier, because not everyone who is sad wants to be hugged.

Anyway, all of a sudden it seemed appropriate on this subway to be in the arms of a stranger. I looked straight forward (mostly because I couldn’t move my neck) and so many other random people found themselves in the arms of so many other random people.

For a moment I thought: wow, how beautiful is this stuffy, crammed, public space, of arbitrariness where the rules of the streets and society seemed to fly outside of the doors as quickly as the train glides from track to track?

In this cart, a Saudi Arabian diplomat could sit next to a pregnant, orthodox Jewish bakery owner, and a Nigerian rapper, and somehow it was all ok. This box created some altered universe where colors and origins and lifestyles blended together so that people wouldn’t be late to work.

And it all played to the soundtrack of public music that came in the form of obtrusive, insensitive, head phone blasting.  From the man whose arms I remained in for all 7 minutes of the ride, and the headphones of the lady sitting 3 feet in front of me, and the girl with a short blonde bob that matched the bobbing motion of her head to whatever she was listenin’ to (I wanted to know! I wanted to bob). Since the invention of iPods and headphones people have been so sensitive about private music space – but space is all of ours to share. We share the air, we should share the music too.

The doors opened and a huge mob fell out of the automatic subway door all parting ways subscribing to their various norms of life and the rules we set for ourselves, and I just had to wonder, “What if the rules of the subway, were applied to life?”

LOVE COULD BE LIKE THIS.

(re:blogged - http://everynowandthen.tumblr.com/)

GOD IN SNOWFLAKES

According to Andrew Dodd's Physics Forum blog post (http://www.phys.cwru.edu/forums/read.php?9,1207,1207) in an average snow storm, 721.3 flakes hit a car's roof every second. That’s 43,278 per minute, and 2,596,680 per hour. And that's just one car roof. 

Billions and billions of minuscule pieces of white, shimmery, ice fall in unique patterns to the earth's surface from the sky in a single moment.

I believe in a higher power because of snowflakes.

SOUL MEETS BODY.

Sometimes I feel like my soul is trapped in a body that doesn’t match – it sort of feels like wearing a winter sweater on the beach in the middle of summer.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could pick one feature to change so that it would match up with our souls? My friend Sarah told me that she would pick tie-dye eyes, and I wish that was possible for her because her soul is really colorful. I think I would stretch my body out to make it extra long and slender, because I feel like my head is always in the clouds anyway, so I might as well be there physically.

And also, if we could make our souls match our body then it might take less time to get to know people and then there’d be no need for awkward introductions or angry interactions. Like if I gave a completely random response to a serious comment, people would be more understanding, because they would clearly see that my head was in the clouds. 

And the world would look completely different, and that might be cool.

THE SADDEST FEELING I'LL EVER KNOW.

When I watch someone miss the bus, I get really emotional, and it makes me want to cry.

TWO MOONS MOCASSINS.

You know that phrase,"Don't judge a man until you've walked two moons in his moccasins?" Well I think it would be great if we could really buy those moccasins.

I’m not really sure how the prices would work, because sometimes some moccasins would be in high demand while others would probably never be worn, which is sad, because I bet those moccasins would be the most important.

And wouldn’t it be wonderful to put yourself in the moccasins of a person you always admired, because then you could understand how they got to where they are and maybe some of their own insecurities and also how they are so good at whatever you admire about them.

And wouldn’t it be fantastic to put yourself in the moccasins of a person who lives in a place completely different than your current location so you could learn what life would be like if you lived anywhere.

And wouldn’t it be amazing if you could give the moccasins as a gift to someone who you think could use some understanding, and you could just disguise them as cool moccasins, but then they could maybe learn from them.

I think I’d buy a few pairs. Especially if they were those warm fluffy ones made for cold winter days (and I'd wear them in the winter).

THE WAY IT IS.

I never knew how much surrounding myself with the right people meant...
Etrafimda iyi insanlar olmasinin ne kadar onemli oldugunu bilmiyordum...

Until I met you.
sonra biz tanıştık.


Thanks for positive energy!

BALLOON WISHES.

I believe the wishes carried on these balloons

will come true.

SOUND VIBRATIONS.

17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.

Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.

I wish that one loud scream could be heard at once, from all of their voices. That way people would understand what a big problem it is and how it’s not OK because it’s often silenced and people don’t even realize what a big problem it is.

And if one loud scream could be heard at once, sexual violence wouldn’t be normalized, because screams aren’t normal, they are filled with pain and sadness, and that’s what sexual violence does: causes pain and sadness.

And, if one loud scream could be heard at once, then maybe all the women and men who have ever experienced sexual violence would know that they aren’t alone.

And, if one loud scream could be heard, maybe it would SHUT PEOPLE UP who say that victims cause violence with clothes they wear or drinks they drink or actions they take. 

And also, sound energy is the energy produced by sound vibrations as they travel through a specific medium and sound vibrations cause waves of pressure which lead to some level of compression and rarefaction in the mediums through which the sound waves travel.  So maybe one loud scream would shake the universe with a sound vibration, and people would WAKE UP and realize that sexual violence is an on-going issue.

Photo from:http://children.foreignpolicyblogs.com/2010/04/20/2010-sexual-assult-awareness-month-day-of-action/